You’re Not Too Much: A Somatic Reframe of Emotional Intensity in Relationships

Understanding big feelings, sensitivity, and shame through a trauma-informed lens

Some people cry easily, feel everything deeply, or become overwhelmed quickly in conflict.
Others withdraw, feel flooded by their partner’s emotions, or get easily irritated when things feel “too intense.”

These patterns aren’t personality flaws—they’re nervous system strategies shaped by your life experience.

Especially in intimate relationships, emotional intensity is often misunderstood. And in trauma survivors, this misunderstanding can be internalized as shame:

• “I’m too much.”
• “I’m too sensitive.”
• “No one can handle me.”
• “I always ruin things.”

This blog is here to reframe those beliefs—not with platitudes, but with grounded somatic understanding.

Emotional Intensity Is Often a Sign of Past Survival

When you were young, if your emotions weren’t met with safety, containment, or attunement, you may have learned to either:

• Express them loudly to try and be seen
• Or suppress them entirely to stay safe

As an adult, especially in partnership, your nervous system may still be operating under those old rules—reacting to a subtle cue as if your emotional safety is at stake.

What your partner sees as “overreaction” may be your system doing its best to protect a very old wound.

Somatic Therapy Helps You Track the Pattern, Not Just the Story

In a trauma-informed couples session, we might ask:

• What happens in your body when you feel unseen or dismissed?
• Where do you notice tightness, shutdown, or heat?
• What belief or memory surfaces as your body reacts?

This brings you out of blame or shame—and into awareness. It also gives your partner a chance to witness the why behind the behavior, not just the impact.

For the Partner Who Feels Overwhelmed by Intensity

If you’re someone who feels flooded or overstimulated by your partner’s emotional expression, it’s important to explore your own window of tolerance.

You may not be rejecting your partner—you may just be trying to stay regulated yourself.

Together, we can explore:

• What emotional range feels manageable to you?
• What do you need in order to stay present?
• How can you co-create a rhythm of communication that supports both of you?

There Is No “Too Much”—There Is Only “Not Enough Safety… Yet”

The phrase “you’re too much” is almost always code for “I don’t know how to stay with you here.”

And the phrase “I’m too much” is often a trauma echo from times when you needed more support than was available.

Through somatic and relational therapy, we build that support—internally and between partners—so you can experience:

• Less shame around your feelings
• More spaciousness in conflict
• And deeper, embodied connection

Want to Explore This Together?

If you’re ready to work with a therapist who understands the body’s role in relationships, I offer trauma-informed couples therapy with a somatic lens. Learn more on my Couples Therapy page or reach out for a free consultation.